Nothing like getting your nose opened up to teach you a lesson.
I had joined a new MMA gym having left the safety of the gym I came up in. I tried a few places and finally settled on a spot that seemed to have excellent technical coaching plus a high number of competent athletes.
All was going smoothly until the sparring began.
I was used to an environment where sparring was conducted two ways. With big 16oz gloves, head gear and heavy contact, or with tiny 4oz MMA gloves, no head gear and light contact.
This was 4oz combat gloves, at full contact.
It was all out war.
I needed to adjust, and it didn’t happen right away. I hadn’t been forewarned(it was just the norm there) so I was figuring this out on the fly.
I started to notice that I wasn’t playing the same game as everyone else.
It was social comparison in the extreme.
By the time I had figured it out, my nose had been opened like a tap and I was sitting out a couple of rounds (to avoid creating a literal bloodbath for everyone to spar in).
I tell you this story to illustrate the fact that social comparison is not always a bad thing.
Noticing that what I was doing wasn’t appropriate for the room got me to change my behaviour. By the next round, I was up to the speed of the session.
Comparing yourself to others gets a bad wrap these days and I want to say, it has its upsides and its downsides.
The downsides are obvious. The level of anxiety social comparison creates is off the charts and does real damage. It creates reluctance to try, to get involved, to take risks. It turns a positive (getting fitter and healthier) in a negative. This needs to be managed very carefully. Like, who gives a fuck if you are faster, slower, heavier, lighter, stronger or weaker than anyone else. If you are making good decisions for yourself and moving in the right direction, that’s what matters.
The upsides are obvious too. CrossFit would have never taken off if the measurable side of it wasn’t part of it. People get motivated by competition. Not everyone, and not all in the same way, but it serves many. It provides energy that wouldn’t otherwise exist.
It also helps us figure out where we are being strange/odd/weird. I remember a new guy showing up at Bua and started making sexual comments about the women who were working out. It felt so far out of place, and the reaction of everyone in the room was so stark, it told him clearly “not here pal.” He stuck around for years, but no more commentary. Social comparison did its job.
For me, I try to use it as new information.
If I am extra far behind on something, I ask myself why.
If I am streets ahead on something, it reminds me I still have a weapon or two.
If I find myself avoiding getting invoilved in some type of work, it’s an indicator that my fixed mindset is holding me back.
If I find out that I’m being weird, I have a decision to adjust, or to stay weird.
It has taken some growing up for me to get to this place. And it’s not always as simple as that. But social comparison probably isn’t something that can be switched off, so better learn to use it to your advantage.
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