I have two coaches.
One for my fitness, one for my personal development.
And this is surprising considering the fact that I’m a pathological control freak. If you want to trigger an overreaction from me, just take away my decisions. Coerce me into doing something your way and see what happens. It’s a bug in my system that I have (lazily) accepted.
The point is, allowing other people into my decision making process is NOT natural for me.
And yet, I do extremely well with coaching. I enjoy the process, not to mention that it has transformed my life.
So how does that all work?
This is partly down to the coaches themselves. Both do very well with two things.
First, they take their role as my coach seriously. They know the potential power of it and never take it lightly.
And then second, they allow me to stay in control of my side of the relationship.
They push, pull, peel and prod. Provide incentives, trade-offs, inevitable consequences and disconfirming evidence.
But it always ends with…”your call”.
Then, there is my part.
Coaching works for me because I know how little I know. I have a set of answers to each problem I face, and still, it’s always just one set of answers.
The coach gives me confidence that I have at least considered alternative routes. They give me new ways of seeing things. And sometimes, they just straight-up solve the problem for me.
Whatever the interaction, it feels like a team approach to an individual life, and I love that. A great team beats a group of talented individuals every time.
Two Takeaways
- If you are a control-freak like me and coaching goes against the grain for you, try reframing the relationship as a set of inputs which you get to use as you see fit. Lower the defences, get curious about these inputs and take control of your side of the relationship.
- If you are a coach, your role is helping people find THEIR OWN solutions to problems. It might start with some heavy steering, but ultimately, the lighter the steering you end up with, the better you are doing. That is not to be confused with a backing off from the role. If anything, it means working even harder to get the involvement levels just right. The relationship needs constant fuel, not constant control.
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